If You Fly With Crows by Spencer Pruett

If You Fly With Crows…

            Every year, on the first day of school, my father always tells me: “If you fly with crows, you’ll be shot at.” Meaning I need to watch out for who I associate myself with. Even if I am not doing anything wrong, but my friends are, I will be branded as a troublemaker. Needless to say, my father is a little old fashioned. He despises new age things like Facebook, Twitter, essentially anything to do with technology, and many of the social ideas that seem to be prominent now, including how to treat women. When it comes to chivalry, my father is the Gold Standard. Some have told me that chivalry is dead; I tell them they are wrong. But what scares me is that chivalry is dying.

            I have many female friends, most of whom do not have older brothers (or brothers in general). So, me being me, I always take the role of “older brother.”  One of my close female friends (let’s name her Jane) is in a relationship with a guy that I do not approve of (let’s name him John). I always try to find the good in people, and this guy blows every chance he has to prove to me he isn’t completely worthless. Jane has complained to me on more than one occasion about John, and I finally decided to tell her just how much I dislike John, and remind her of all of the complaints she has made to me about him. I concluded my arguments with her by saying: “He’s just no good for you.” Much to my surprise, she said: “I know.” She actually agreed that she should not be in this harmful relationship (no, not physically harmful. Believe me I would have stepped in much earlier if it were). I asked why she was still with him, her exact words to me were: “Because it’s nice to not wear the pants in the relationship for once.”

            She goes on to explain how in previous relationships she would initiate conversation and plan dates, and now she doesn’t have to. This is the only reason she is still dating John, and to be honest, it makes me upset. It makes me upset that she does not see her worth. Sadly, she is not my only female friend in a situation like this. Fortunately, I have no male friends in this sort of situation. Believe it or not, not all men are jerks like John (I have many other words to describe John, but “jerk” will work for now). But this idea does not seem to be accepted by our society. The top-selling book in America currently happens to be Fifty Shades of Grey[1]. The number 2 and 3 spots go to Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed respectively. For those of you who don’t know, Fifty Shades of Grey is the first book of a trilogy involving a young woman and a wealthy businessman who is in to BDSM (Bondage/Dominance/Sadism/Masochism).[2] The “D” part is what I’ll focus on for a moment. It would seem that women who don’t have much respect for themselves will allow the man to be Dominant, not always going so far as the book does, but still not promoting a healthy relationship.

            Much to my dismay, my friend Jane has lost respect for herself. It may be because she doesn’t believe she is beautiful, smart, or just good in general. And it honestly makes me sad.

            More than once you have more than likely heard that women need to raise their standards in the men they choose to enter a relationship with. I recently heard a friend of mine talking about an Apologist who says that as men, we need to raise our standards. I bring this up because, as a man, I would not choose my friend Jane to be my girlfriend, or, subsequently, my wife. This is because she does not respect herself, and that is obvious when she continues this harmful relationship with John.

            So, as a man, here is my plea to the women who follow The You Are Loved Campaign: Respect yourself and help all those you see respect themselves. You are worth more than your body, and don’t let anyone, man or woman, tell you different. Whenever you question this, remember this: You Are Loved, and don’t fly with crows.

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[1] http://www.amazon.com/best-sellers-of-2012-for-books

[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifty_Shades_of_Grey

 Spencer Pruett is a strong Catholic and has been very active in Youth Ministry for the past four years. He is currently studying mathematics at Bakersfield College. Spencer also plans on joining the United States Marine Corps, joining the Deaconate, and staying involved with the You Are Loved Campaign and Youth Ministry for as long as God continues to bless him with the opportunity to do so.